every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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