We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
