when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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