And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
