I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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