I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
