Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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