last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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