dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
