I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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