Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
