My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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