the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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