Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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