I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
