idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
