Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Someone shit on the floor
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
