is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my sisters under your porch take her home
i drank out of a bidet.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
