She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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