The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
