I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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