My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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