From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
