Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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