Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
