You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
