Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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