My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
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well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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