He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's the barista slut.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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