By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i've created a new STD.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize