Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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