Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
