You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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