yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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