Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
