I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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