I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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