it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
