i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
