Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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