Princesses don't give blow jobs
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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