You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
