Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
