I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
