I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
