i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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