Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
