We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We are all done wearing pants today
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
