I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
