I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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