it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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