I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
