never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize