Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
