She is in my trunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
