I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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