Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize