She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
