Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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