so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
