Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
MIDGETS
????
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
