I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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