So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
